The Dos And Don'ts Of Handling Kids Who Are Angry About The Divorce
When a parent makes the incredibly difficult decision to file for a divorce, the first concern is the well-being of the children. No one wants to put their kids through the pain of divorce, but it's simply inevitable sometimes. If your children are openly showing their anger during a divorce, follow these dos and don'ts to protect yourself and your kids.
Do Lavish Your Kids with Unconditional Affection
All children need unconditional love. There is probably no time when your children will need it more than the months during and immediately after a divorce. Express your unconditional love to them each day in multiple ways. It can be extremely hard to express that love when they are acting up and possibly even unfairly blaming you for the divorce, but it's what they need.
That doesn't mean that you should put up with bad behavior. You may express your love but also set boundaries. Don't tolerate mistreatment from your kids just because they're angry. However, don't let their anger stir yours, and don't let them see how furious you are at them.
Instead, calm down before dealing with them. When you do, express your love for them even while holding them accountable for their actions.
Don't Play the Blame Game
When children are openly hostile and looking for someone to blame for the divorce, it can be extremely tempting to start playing the blame game. Whether you feel that your ex is partially or fully responsible for what led to the divorce, there is sure to be at least some blame to spread in their direction. You'd get rewarded by making your kids realize your ex is the "bad one".
If kids are angry, they may try to interrogate you and find out what really led to the cause of the breakup of the family. No matter how upset you are with your ex or how frustrated you get with your kids, resist the urge to trash your ex or place the blame on his or her shoulders.
Instead, redirect the conversation when your children start asking whose fault it is. Use the opportunity to express the regrets that both you and your ex feel about their pain in the divorce. Reiterate that both you and your ex love them very much and will always be there for them.
Do Consider Therapy for Your Children
If your children have been openly showing their anger during the divorce, there's a bright side. At least you know they're not repressing their emotions. Showing their anger is better than pushing down their emotions and turning to self-destructive actions to escape the pain. At least when they are sharing their anger, your children are trusting you with their feelings.
Helping your children through continuous struggles in a divorce is important, but you should never try to do it alone. Consider taking your children to therapy during and after a divorce. Therapy can be a safe place where kids can express their pain, anger, frustration, and dozens of other emotions that come up during the breakup.
If you feel that the entire family struggles during a divorce or the child would be better able to benefit from therapy with the support of the whole family, you may also consider family therapy. Sometimes kids go to individual psychotherapy sessions and family therapy sessions each week.
Do Show a Continued Interest in Their Lives No Matter What
There are all degrees of anger among kids who are dealing with divorce. If your co-parent has primary custody, children may try to avoid you if they're angry. Don't let them. Continue to show up to their activities and remain active in their lives even during difficult times. Even if your ex helps alienate their affection, insist on having an active presence in their lives.
Finally, The Law Office of Joe R. "Jay" Johnson II offers family law services to protect your best interests every step of the way during the divorce. Family disputes can easily get messy, and it's important to have an experienced attorney on your side who knows the ins and outs of complex laws pertaining to child custody and divorce.
